Many of us grew up believing that Prince Charming would come and sweep us off of our feet and we would live HAPPILY EVER AFTER.... and then reality sets in! After the honey moon is over we realize that marriage is work. It's a daily, conscious decision to remain committed to someone no matter what. Women have such a hard role to play because even when our husbands fail, and we disagree with the decisions they have made we still have to be supportive and encouraging and not bash him or beat him over the head. But what happens when that failed decision or poor judgement call deeply and negatively effects your entire household. What happens if you tried to express to him that it wasn't a good idea to begin with or perhaps he went behind your back and secretly did something that caused your family great pain. And now that the consequences of his actions are upon the family you still have to smile, be supportive, protect his ego and pick up the pieces. All the while inside you're angry, disappointed and hurt!
Do you do what my friends and I call stacking? Where you stack up everything he has ever done to hurt you and hold on to it? Or do you forgive and move on? I can honestly say that I do NOT get this one right every single time. Some things cut so deeply and are much more difficult to get over than others. But I reach a point when I have to FIRST, go back to my vow and honor it. I didn't just make a vow to my husband but I made a vow to God and before God. And the longer I hold on to whatever it is that is hurting me I give it more and more time to grow roots in my heart, and those kind of roots will choke out the love that is trying to grow and flourish. SECONDLY, I have to remind myself that I am in no way perfect (Read Psalm 51:1-19) yet God loves me still. And not only does he love me but he forgave me all those years ago when he placed his son on the cross to die for my sins. And THIRD, I stop and think, satan is seeking any opportunity possible to come between us. If he can make my husband out to be my enemy in my mind then our marriage is destroyed. Now I don't know about you but I have enough enemies without adding my husband to the list. So l have to ask-- have you forgiven him yet? Perhaps this prayer will help soften your heart....
Father I come acknowledging what your word has told me to do. You said that I must forgive in order to receive forgiveness from you. God I ask that you heal my broken heart, remove the events from my mind and focus my attention solely on you. You know and understand my hurt, help me through the process of forgiving and letting go. I lay my burdens at your feet and I cast all my cares upon you. Help me to not allow satan to use this to come between my husband and I. Touch my husband and help him to seek you everything that he does concerning us. Bind us together in your love and help us to be living testimonies of your power in Jesus name I pray Amen.
Trust me you'll see this topic again!
Do you do what my friends and I call stacking? Where you stack up everything he has ever done to hurt you and hold on to it? Or do you forgive and move on? I can honestly say that I do NOT get this one right every single time. Some things cut so deeply and are much more difficult to get over than others. But I reach a point when I have to FIRST, go back to my vow and honor it. I didn't just make a vow to my husband but I made a vow to God and before God. And the longer I hold on to whatever it is that is hurting me I give it more and more time to grow roots in my heart, and those kind of roots will choke out the love that is trying to grow and flourish. SECONDLY, I have to remind myself that I am in no way perfect (Read Psalm 51:1-19) yet God loves me still. And not only does he love me but he forgave me all those years ago when he placed his son on the cross to die for my sins. And THIRD, I stop and think, satan is seeking any opportunity possible to come between us. If he can make my husband out to be my enemy in my mind then our marriage is destroyed. Now I don't know about you but I have enough enemies without adding my husband to the list. So l have to ask-- have you forgiven him yet? Perhaps this prayer will help soften your heart....
Father I come acknowledging what your word has told me to do. You said that I must forgive in order to receive forgiveness from you. God I ask that you heal my broken heart, remove the events from my mind and focus my attention solely on you. You know and understand my hurt, help me through the process of forgiving and letting go. I lay my burdens at your feet and I cast all my cares upon you. Help me to not allow satan to use this to come between my husband and I. Touch my husband and help him to seek you everything that he does concerning us. Bind us together in your love and help us to be living testimonies of your power in Jesus name I pray Amen.
Trust me you'll see this topic again!
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ReplyDeleteForgiveness is such a hard job for most of us. Once we have been hurt or offended, we tend to hold on to it. It causes a strain on my relationship with my spouse as well as others. But I've come to realize that it's wasted time, because the one who has hurt me continues on with whatever they are/were doing and I am left with the burden. I am learning to give it to Jesus, just like He told us to do, "Cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you!" Unforgiveness stunts my relationship with Christ, with others & makes me feel guilty! I've also learned that it takes the Holy Spirit to give me the POWER I need to forgive!
ReplyDeleteWe can't Love the way God instructs us to love or forgive others as He forgave us without POWER! No human can do it in and of him/her self.
DeleteYou can forgive but unfortunately, you don't forget. There are certain rules to forgiveness the we must apply to every marriage.
ReplyDelete1. You must communicate about the situation with ALL TRUTHS (all questions must be answered & feelings acknowledged.)
2. Once forgiveness has been established, you mustn't continue to bring up the same issues.
3. Make a conscious decision to start fresh. (You are undoubtedly hurt & scarred, but you must make an effort to move forward. This isn't something that just happens, you have to condition your mind and work diligently to encourage your healing.)
I totally agree with this. When you have been hurt by your spouse, it leaves an area of distrust. These issues must be acknowledged, and every effort made not to create that hurt again. Trust is imperative in the marriage relationship.
DeleteTotally agree sister! He who covers and forgives an offense seeks love, but he who repeats or harps on a matter separates even close friends. (Proverbs 17:9 AMP)
DeleteWil try this one too.wow this helps alot.
DeleteJust want to say I am enjoying this blog. I am a newly wed, but rarely do you find blogs so informal and real about marriage/relationship as this. FORGIVENESS, wow such a strong word that God assigned for each of us to do. We have to keep our men uplifted in prayer.
ReplyDeleteLaToya Kidd
Love it! Great post. Even though I am not married-yet. This is still good info for me. Thanks for sharing. I will be a follower of this blog
ReplyDeleteI definitely needed to read this one this morning! Thanks for being obedient to the Lord's urging & creating this blog!
ReplyDeleteGod bless you, and thank you for your support! I'm so glad that God used lil ole me to be a blessing to you! Forgiveness is a command from God we must forgive on order to receive his promise. Love you sis!
DeleteI love your blog. I have known heart ache all my life and I learned to fake happiness by making others laugh, I was raped and molested by family from an early age but God never let me get depressed or turn to drugs and I praise Him for protecting me from those things. God is good all the time. I married my high school sweet heart who stole my heart away bc he fought for me and my for my honor. After 2 kids and 1 on the way he left me a note and left me in the middle of the night for a woman who was also pregnant by him. I believed the lies of the devil and I left God for a short season that felt like forever (it was about a year and a half) I hurt my kids by running. I had 2 other failed marraiges but I didn't care about those bc I made sure I never fully loved again, until 7 years after my 1st divorce my high school sweet heart and I got back together. I knew what God had let me know from the begining that husband would come back but I believed the lies of the enemy and looked at the circumstances around me and thought we could never be happy, I could never trust him again, he will never stop drugs, but Praise God for keeping His promises bc after 7 yrs we got back together, we remarried husband is a man of God and I trust him more then anything. The devil is our to kill, steal, and destroy us but God restores, rebuilds, and gives life and hope. I use everything that the devil used to defeat me for my good. If I felt a wired uneasy vibe from someone I don't allow them around my kids or grandkids. I use my painful marraiges to encourage people to hold on, seek God and love Him above all else. I know some marraiges don't reconcile but still seek after God, learn His ways. He delivered husband from a life of drugs, and living on the streets which delivered our family from those as well. Our girls say that they want a marraige like ours, and that speaks volumes considering the roads it has traveled. Never give up bc God has a better plan for us then we realize, He loves us more then we realize. Look at your circumstance and ask yourself, what can I learn from this or Joe can I grow from this. God is good and He is faithful even when we doubt Him.
ReplyDeleteThank God for giving you the courage to turn your circumstances into a blessing!
DeleteBeing that I am a very private person I certainly took courage to step out and do what God called me to do. Thankfully I found courage in Him. I had to realize that he could never get the glory from things he has done for me if I keep it to myself. And we and we were created to give him glory! Thank you for your support sis!
DeleteWow!!!! What a story! Praise God for your testimony!!!! I'm so glad you are still standing through it all! It's because of God's mercy and his grace that we are not consumed! Thank you for sharing and thank you for your support! I am truly humbled! Love you!
ReplyDeleteAfter 3years of marriage my husband decided he wasn't happy and started looking for fun on the Internet feb this year we didn't even celebrate valentines day as I don't even know where he was to top it all up he started seeing this other women while I was pregnant and at my worse. He calms he didnt sleep around as he came to his senses n told himself I and the baby are the most important to him. But I did my investigation n found on the site he was using there were 33girls he like n one favorite one on Christmas he was with me but taking to her. Even when I cot him he denied the whole thing and then agreed yea hes been seeing this girl but it's my fault.I went through out my pregnancy with alot of pain in my heart. HOW CAN I FORGIVE SUCH A COLD PERSON?
ReplyDeleteOh honey I am so sorry that you had to suffer such hurt, heartache and pain. I don't stand before you as one who hasn't gone through anything. I too have been cheated on, and I know first hand the loneliness, the hurt, and what it does to you mentally. What I found is that the longer I stayed in a state of unforgiveness and self pity MY heart grew cold and it led me down a path of self destruction. I began to seperate my self from God because I was just so hurt and so angry. What I had to remember is that forgiveness is not for the other person, it's for me. Forgiveness insures that my fellowship with God flows freely. Jesus gave us the gift of abundant life, as long as I don't forgive I reject his gift. Now sister please understand that I am not saying its easy, it's a process! A necessary process! And the bible says some things only come through fasting and prayer, for me forgiveness is one of those things. I had to fast and pray and acknowledge that I needed help because its not something I could do on my own. Some times I had to speak it out loud daily until my heart and my mind were both in agreement. The best thing you can do for your self and your child is to fully give it to God and watch him work! His power is SO FAR beyond what we can think. I am praying for you and I'm here whenever you want to talk/vent/share. Love you sis!
DeleteI don't know how to enter my name :-(
DeleteI just want to say that FASTING & PRAYING, prais
ing & worshiping God is a MUST when we need to forgive. It makes our spiritual man stronger & it weakens the flesh ;-) The stronger we are spiritually the easier it is to fight the lies of the enemy! I will be praying for you. I know a couple that almost got divorce because he cheated,but praises to the Lord, they now have been married 30 years (the affair happened 23 years ago) and they serve God in a ministry for marriages! God has plans for all of us,is why the devil attack us, but remember the ONE with us is greater than the one in the world! Blessings <3
You should see a link that says subscribe down at the bottom of the page. Once you subscribe your name will appear whenever you post comments! Thank you for your support and words of encouragement!
DeleteOh I remember how this feels, honey God can change ALL circumstances! And you must realize that it is not your fault, and that you are loved and special to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. I will be praying for you and for this blog ministry. Get in Gods word and give Him praise honey. My name is Vycki but my previous post and this one both say anonymous, but just know vycki is praying for your family.
ReplyDeleteVycki thank you for your support and encouragement! If you subscribe to this blog your name will show whenever you post. Or it should give the option to "reply as". Thank you again!
DeleteHow can we subscribe?
DeleteBlessings
I'm not sure why you can't see the subscribe button. I can see it from my phone right under reply and on my computer it's down at the bottom. Let me check my settings to be sure you can subscribe properly. Thank you for your support!
DeleteWow this is good. I have definitely been encouraged today... Forgiveness is not easy, but forgiveness is NECESSARY!!!!
DeleteWow this is good ladies. Forgiveness is not easy, but Forgiveness is NECESSARY. Ive been truly encouraged today. Stay in the press ladies...
DeleteIt's most certainly NECESSARY!!
DeleteI feel the hurt & pain of suffering. God did not tell us life would always be fair. But He did promise to go through the suffering with us so that we can bear it. As Charity said, forgiveness is a process and it first begins with yourself. Ask God for power to help you with this. Surrender your heart to God & trust His power to heal your hurt. As you begin to allow God's spirit into your heart the healing process will begin. The movie "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" is a good example of this. We all have made mistakes & wrong choices. Once we have forgiven ourselves, we can forgive others & begin life anew. God bless you with new life!
ReplyDelete@ Aglenn lol I don't want to go madea on him, I understand what you mean though. Thanks to all am feeling better already
ReplyDelete@Anonymous-I'm glad you understand :) My reference to the movie was about showing the "process of forgiveness." The wife was first angry - at herself for allowing herself to be treated that way, then to forgiving herself & realizing she was WORTHY of something better. Then she was able to confront the husband with the issues. (We'll leave out where she beat him up! LOL!!) Actually God beat him worse than she ever could! But forgiveness came and with it came healing - Healing to the point that she was able to pursue a relationship without the baggage. If we can ever fully realize the powerful weapons God has given us - PRAYER & FAITH we as Christian women can accomplish ANYTHING through Christ Jesus!! Be Blessed!
DeleteBut ladies also let's be real here, it hard when you are going somewhere to leave with a man that doesnt see it or spiritually dead and it's not that he doesn't know God he just expects life to change over night with no effort done whatever. So he cheats,lies,can't solve any promlem without 3rd party getting involved, he wants to be followed for answers. I normally say sori must be followed by an action that which will bring change.But his sori is followed by me following him for answers and to sort things out. Other wise he can pretend nothing happened and or wait till the some matters come up again.
ReplyDeleteI think I understand what you are trying to say. I have been there as well, living with someone who knows God but is not trying to grow spiritually. And so spiritually the two of you are on two different levels. And he thinks one day things will change with out putting forth any effort to change. I agree it is hard. It's difficult because there isn't one thing we can do to change another person. The difficulty is in the wait. Waiting for God to change that person. But we still have to do our part regardless because God isn't asking us to do something he can't and won't give us power to do. And again some things only come by fasting and prayer. Once you forgive and release your mate to God, and wait patiently for God to do his work then you'll see change. You'll never know God's power if you're trying to fix stuff on your own. I TOTALLY AGREE, it's very hard!!!! But nothing is impossible through Christ that strengthens me!!! Praying for you sis!
ReplyDeleteI can't figure out how to subscribe to your blog.
ReplyDeleteVycki the Subscribe link is at the very bottom of the page. Go to the home page and scroll to the very bottom.
ReplyDeleteCHARITY!!! If I would'nt go to jail for plagiarism I would be typing the same profile! God has away of bringing things into perspective in ways we can't imagine. Even though there are many out there who have and still going through the same thing we often feel that we're ALONE and it's so not the case. Often we feel ashamed and sometimes in our own minds that what's going on is justifiable cause of the pain that we suffer with the one whom we are with. But, when the eyes open and you see that in some cases the grass is not greener on the other side and at that point we need to fix SELF before we can even be pre paired for who God has inspired for us. My prayer is to get back and stay out of Gods way while he continue to work.
ReplyDeleteYour Blog Site is Awesome and I'll continue to walk this Journey with you!
Much Love
CHARITY!!! If I would'nt go to jail for plagiarism I would be typing the same profile! God has away of bringing things into perspective in ways we can't imagine. Even though there are many out there who have and still going through the same thing we often feel that we're ALONE and it's so not the case. Often we feel ashamed and sometimes in our own minds that what's going on is justifiable cause of the pain that we suffer with the one whom we are with. But, when the eyes open and you see that in some cases the grass is not greener on the other side and at that point we need to fix SELF before we can even be pre paired for who God has inspired for us. My prayer is to get back and stay out of Gods way while he continue to work.
ReplyDeleteYour Blog Site is Awesome and I'll continue to walk this Journey with you!
Much Love
I am so thankful to God that you took a moment to read it! I hope that it will bless you, not just today but in the days to come! I love you more than you know! BE ENCOURAGED, GOD IS IN CONTROL!!!!
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